im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
