Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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