how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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