so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
