I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
