Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
