I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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