shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
