One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
