I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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