Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
