32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
