Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
