Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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