I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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