She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I bet he comes in French.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
