Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
