People in love make me want to vomit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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