i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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