can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
