my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
