So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
