Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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