and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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