I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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