And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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