I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
