i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
