We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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