who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
