I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
