we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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