Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
