She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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