That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
