haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
