i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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