I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
