worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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