I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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