You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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