i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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