the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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