Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
