I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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