i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Randomize
