Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
