I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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