my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
