I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
