So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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