There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
