The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
