oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
