just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
