He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
